25 Reasons I "Love" My Ex

While discussing some things in my on-line domestic abuse recovery group, I remembered this little piece that I wrote a few years ago. It was in response to a lawmaker, Representative Dan Pridemore of Wisconsin, who had made a statement about women who were victims of domestic violence. Mr. Pridemore took it upon himself to announce to the world that he was against divorce, even in cases of domestic abuse. He said that instead of leaving an abusive situation, women should try to remember the things they love about their husbands.“If they can re-find those reasons and get back to why they got married in the first place it might help."

(http://rhrealitycheck.org/article/2012/03/23/wisconsin-lawmaker-you-are-being-beaten-just-remember-things-you-love-about-your/)

After thinking about this for a very brief time I realized just how mad that statement made me. How dare he declare that women should stay with their abusive partners, just because HE doesn't think abuse and violence are not good reasons to get a divorce! So, I began to think about my own abusive relationship, which I had already left by then (*gasp* I had even already gotten a divorce). Had I made an enormous mistake in divorcing the monster that almost killed me? Was it somehow my fault that I didn't appreciate the good things he did every once in awhile between beatings? If I had just loved him more would he have treated me well instead of abusing my daughter and my pets? I began to write a list of all the things I loved about him. I came up with 25 reasons. Please feel free to share.

***Trigger warning for graphic content.***
****Disclaimer: these are not actual reasons I love my ex. I do not love my ex. I do not miss my ex. This is pure sarcasm in response to Representative Know-it-all's statement.****

1. I love the way he helped me clean up the blood on the carpeting after he broke my nose. That was so sweet of him. He didn't have to do that, but he did!

2. I love the way he sat with me at the hospital after putting me in a coma. Very caring.

3. I love the way he would come to all my doctor's appointments with me to make sure I wouldn't have sex with the doctor. Very compassionate.

4.  I love the way he would yell at me for coming home 5 minutes late from class after helping one of my students. That really kept me on my toes, and taught me that I should always be punctual.

5. I love the way he would check my vagina when I'd come home from work to make sure I wasn't having sex with anyone there. He was really trying to protect our marriage.

6. I love the way he beat me up whenever I talked to another man about anything. It's very protective to want to keep me to himself. He must have really loved me.

7. I love the way he doused my daughter with cold water whenever she'd have a diaper accident at the age of 2. He really showed her who's boss!

8. I love the way he forbid me to have friends. He kept me safe from those who may potentially do bad things to me.

9. I love the way he put my daughter's head through the bathroom wall just because she was crying. It's always good to have a quiet house. Children are to be seen and not heard. Also, I am now an expert in repairing drywall. Thank you so much.

10. I love the way he refused to work. That taught me to work extra hard and really strive to provide everything for the family. He made me a super hard worker.

11. I love the way he got me kicked out of medical school. It really taught me to be humble. I should never be better than my husband in anything for any reason.

12. I love the way he caused my daughter to have PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder). It keeps me on my toes to this very day. I have had to learn extreme patience, and my daughter has learned that hitting is a good way to resolve things. Extra special thanks for this one!

13. I love him for letting my dog out without a leash so she could get run over by a car. That taught my daughter that any time something is bothering you, it's okay to kill it. There are to be no nuisance animals in the house.

14. I love him for beating or killing every animal we ever owned. This includes two dogs, two cats, and a chameleon. You sure showed those animals who's in charge! Man shall have control over all beasts. Thank you for being so Biblical.

15. I love him for cheating on me the entire time we were married. I really appreciate this one, because it taught me a good lesson: double standards are acceptable, and the man is the king of his domain.

16. I love him for raping me on a regular basis. This taught me that a woman should always submit to her husband. Again, nice job being Biblical!

17. I love him for stripping me of my sexuality and my self esteem. This taught me to be resilient.

18. I love him for letting the dogs do their business all over the house, and then leaving it for me to clean up after a long day at work. He had so much to do during the day what with watching TV, playing videogames, and working out. It taught me a good lesson that I should work my butt off, come home, and clean the entire house by myself, without any help whatsoever. My house is now super clean thanks to him.

19. I love him for choking me out to the point of losing consciousness. You might be asking yourself why I would be thankful for that? I learned the value of oxygen. I hadn't been appreciating oxygen as much as I should have, but I'll never do THAT again!

20. I love him for breaking my finger. Who needs their pinky anyways? It's kind of a useless finger.

21. I love him for not letting me get any exercise. Gaining weight is always a good thing, this way men won't look at you anymore. That is a good way to keep the marriage solid.

22. I love him for causing me to get fibromyalgia. Living with daily pain builds character.

23. I love him for ruining by perfect credit. It's really shown me the value of a dollar, and how to dig yourself out of debt with no help.

24. I love him for destroying my beautiful, immaculate house. There wasn't a spot anywhere in it when I met him, but now all the door jambs, doors, walls, and carpet are destroyed, not to mention several appliances. He showed me! Standing up to a man is not okay, no matter what the circumstances. It's my fault that he destroyed my house. This taught me to keep my mouth shut so as not to offend the man.

25. I love him for the way he hasn't shown any love or compassion to his own flesh and blood. Who needs a father anyways?

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Thank you for taking the time to read this. It is just the tip of the iceberg, but it was good to vent this all out. Writing really does heal.