We are usually the type of people that give, give, give, and pay little to no attention to ourselves. We're always running around making sure everyone else is ok, but inside we're stressed out, anxious, depressed, and worried.
We've been abused, used, tossed aside, belittled, berated, and insulted. We have been taught that our needs are not important. We have been forbidden from doing anything on our own without the permission of our abusers. They fight against us practicing self care because they know it is a threat to them. When we get healthy we can see through their lies and manipulation, and take our lives back.
Self care shouldn't stop when we leave the abusive relationship, though. It is a lifelong habit we must all develop in order to stay happy and healthy. We should practice at least a little bit of self care every day, even if it's only for 5 minutes. Research suggests that in order to make something a habit it must be practiced for at least 21 days. Give yourself the challenge to practice self care for at least 5 minutes every day for 21 days.
To get you started here are some of my favorite self care practices:
- Yoga. I cannot say enough good things about yoga. It has helped to calm my mind, stop racing thoughts, relax, gain confidence, and feel better about myself. There are many different kinds to choose from, but the type I love the most is restorative yoga. Very easy poses are held for approximately 5 minutes each. Most of the poses are done lying down. Some teachers will spray essential oils, have the class held by candlelight, play Tibetan singing bowls, gongs, or relaxing music. I always come out of a restorative yoga class feeling completely refreshed and relaxed. If you can't afford to go to a yoga studio try some of the videos online. This one is my favorite: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CGLvtWYcuuE
- Deep breathing. It is very common for us to hold our breath, take shallow breaths, or otherwise restrict breathing. This can contribute to our already building fatigue. Yogic breathing (pranayama in Sanskrit) is very helpful, as are other types of deep breathing. Guided meditation can be helpful to teach yourself to breathe properly again, and being aware of the breath throughout the day you can catch yourself restricting your breath and move to correct the problem. Here are a few videos to get you started: https://www.doyogawithme.com/yoga_breathing
- Meditation and/or prayer. These techniques both help to calm the mind and spirit, can bring down the heart rate and stress hormone levels, and can boost confidence and hope for the future. You may feel that you don't have enough time to practice meditation, but even 5 minutes can boost your spirits and calm your mind. Set your alarm clock for 5 minutes earlier than you normally get up, and sit in silent meditation in a quiet room. Starting your day with meditation and/or prayer can be a great way to start your day off on a positive note. If you can, work yourself up to 20 minutes per day. You do not have to be religious to practice meditation, and people of any established religion can practice meditation. Create a routine that best fits your spiritual needs. Here are some ideas for making meditation fun: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/8-ways-to-make-meditation-easy-and-fun/. If you need a little help getting into the meditative state here is a video with a guided meditation: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jyy0ra2WcQQ. There are also free apps with meditation sounds and guided meditation to help you get started. Sometimes it helps to have some relaxing background music or soothing sounds. One of my favorite combinations is rain with windchimes and Buddhist monks chanting (there is a free app called "Relax Melodies" that I love to use). Here is one video to get you started with soothing background music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qrx1vyvtRLY.
- Exercise. This cannot be stressed enough. Exercise releases endorphins, helps keep us in shape and healthy, and boosts confidence and self-esteem. If you're like me and have chronic pain exercise can be a big challenge. Find a type of exercise or exercises that does not increase your pain level. For me walking normally does not bother my joints or muscles. If you have been sedentary for a long period of time, though, start very small. Doing too much too fast will lead to burn out, and possibly injury. Swimming is another low-impact soothing exercise, with almost a meditation-like quality. Dancing is a fun way to meet new people, get in shape, and just have fun. I find that if I am doing an activity that I don't think of as exercise, but it actually is exercise, that I'm more likely to keep at it. Here are some tips about exercise for sufferers of chronic pain: http://www.prevention.com/fitness/fitness-tips/best-workouts-chronic-pain-and-fibromyalgia. See what combination of exercises works best for you, but most of all, make sure you are doing something you enjoy and can have fun doing.
- Hobbies. Many of us have not been allowed to have a hobby for years, or have let it fall to the wayside. Once you are free you can have whatever hobby you wish without fear of punishment or insults. For example, I learned how to make greeting cards. I get pleasure out of sending friends and family a nice homemade card, and my mind is distracted while working on them. I even eventually opened my own Etsy store to sell my handicrafts. It's an amazing feeling to get credit or recognition (or money) for something you made with your own hands. Maybe arts and crafts aren't for you. What do you enjoy? Do you play an instrument? A sport? Do you enjoy cooking? Reading? Hiking? Camping? If you don't feel you have the energy yet to pick up a hobby, something as simple as coloring can be cheap, enjoyable, distracting, and calming. There are some beautiful adult coloring books that have recently been released as more and more people discover the benefits of coloring. There are also many free coloring pages on-line, or you can pick up a coloring book at your local dollar store. You can find many beautiful Zen coloring pages on this site: http://www.coloring-pages-adults.com/coloring-zen/.
- Eating healthy and staying hydrated.
- Getting together with friends or family or joining a support group (if you wish to join an on-line support group please check out the Facebook group I co-founded called "domestic abuse recovery").
- Using essential oils.
- Baths and pampering (manicure, facial, pedicure, getting your hair done, etc).
- Gardening.
- Journaling your feelings. Art journaling. Writing.
- Helping others or volunteering.
- Pets.
- Getting out into nature.
A few resources with more ideas for self care:
- 45 simple self care ideas for a healthy mind, body, and soul: http://tinybuddha.com/blog/45-simple-self-care-practices-for-a-healthy-mind-body-and-soul/
- Self care starter kit: http://socialwork.buffalo.edu/resources/self-care-starter-kit.html
- 25 science-backed ways to change your life by taking care of yourself: http://greatist.com/happiness/ways-to-practice-self-care
- 25 self care strategies for fall: http://blogs.psychcentral.com/weightless/2013/10/25-self-care-strategies-for-fall/
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